Remaining stuck is not an option
When people feel like they're stuck in life, I can assure them that everyone gets stuck occasionally and that it's ok to get stuck. But it's not ok to stay in that situation.
That's why I want to give a few practical insights and tools to make sure these people can move on.
"Being stuck stinks!" and I think this says it all: it's all but fun to get stuck. People have all the right to feel frustrated about this. Fortunately, there is a solution!
1. We can get stuck in each area of life
If we would meet and I asked you "Where are you stuck?", what would be the answer? Because we really can get stuck in each area of life.
Let me give you a few examples.
- You can get stuck in a job or business because you don't feel comfortable because you don't see the results you want, because you no longer enjoy doing this kind of work or because there is simply too much work to be done.
- You can get stuck financially because there are too many bills and debts because there is more money going out than coming in because you don't earn enough…
- You can get stuck in a relationship because it doesn't make you happy anymore, because communication has become difficult or because you fight most of the time.
- You can get stuck in a family because you get the feeling that life is passing you by, that you are a jack-of-all-trades, and that there is no time or satisfaction left for you.
- You can get stuck physically because of complaints and injuries, because of excess weight or bad eating and/or drinking habits because you are overstrained and heading straight towards burnout.
- You can get stuck in an environment because you are surrounded by negative people or literally because you don't like living in the place where you live, because stuff breaks down, etc.
- You can get stuck in your free time because you have few or no friends because you don't have time for yourself and it takes all the effort in the world to relax.
You see, there are lots of ways to get stuck, and usually, it's a combination of these areas of life. Everything is connected because it's the life we are talking about.
Still, it's ok to get stuck and to point it out. Just be very honest and say, "I'm stuck over there, and I've had it!"
Again, everyone gets stuck occasionally and this is no dishonor or something to feel ashamed of.
A very fun and inspiring book about this subject is "Life without limits" by Nick Vujicic.
2. People get stuck for a reason
This is a statement people do not like to hear. I remember clearly when I told this to a friend, and she answered quite upset "What does this help me?" When I put things in perspective afterwards, luckily, she had a good laugh.
But that's really how it is, you get stuck for a reason and THIS is the reason.
People are creatures of habit. Of the 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts that cross our mind every day, we experience only 3,500 to 4,900 of those thoughts consciously. That's 7%.
Now you may think "That's quite a bit!" but it's not when you know that the rest of those thoughts are there, without you being aware of them!
It's not because we are not aware of having these thoughts, that they are not there.
And because 100% of the thoughts are there and they guide us every day, we only know what we are doing for 7% of the time.
How can we become aware of all these unconscious thoughts and emotions, that are there but remain unknown to us?
Well, by getting stuck. By no longer living on automatic pilot and by consciously thinking things through.
This reminds me of Karlien.
Last week she playfully told me "my burnout was a blessing!"
She said, "I was stuck at work for two years. I got transferred to another department, met new colleagues, but the worst thing was my manager.
I am someone who always shows respect to people, but she wasn't like this.
Me and my colleagues were reprimanded all the time, nothing was ever good enough and the deadlines became ever more difficult to achieve.
Quite often I came home crying and on the first of March the lights went out. I felt so guilty! But ok, that's the way it was and so I stayed home for 6 months. I was literally stuck, glued to the couch. But this was necessary. Those 6 months became me-time.
When I finally started to feel a bit better, questions arose. Yeah well, I simply had time for that now!
I wondered if I still wanted to do this kind of work. Slowly I started dreaming about a new future. Secretly I started making plans and I felt my energy returning."
But one thing is certain: people get stuck for them to start thinking.
The way things are going no longer works for them. That is a fact!
Getting stuck means having time to think.
3. The cause and solution are in our thinking
As creatures of habit, we keep thinking the same things, feeling the same kind of emotions, worrying about the same stuff and doing the same things again and again.
But there are moments in life when this 'old way of thinking' no longer works. A human life changes because there is always 'something' within us that wants to move forward.
We dream of better, more loving, healthier, more beautiful, more effortless, more free, more effective, etc. This feels awfully familiar for us human beings. When we ignore 'something' because the creature of habit within ourselves has taken the upper hand, we get stuck.
The heart wants to move forward, and the mind says "That's impossible! Just be satisfied with what you have. Don't be so picky. You're not doing so bad. Everyone has problems. Perfection does not exist…" This is the voice of the subconsciousness trying to convince you to stay where you are.
We find it difficult to give in to our deepest desires, aspirations, dreams, and fantasies. We think that dreams are deception, but when we are in bed at night, in silence, 'something' emerges and asks, "How long will you keep up with this? What are you doing? It's pointless to go on like this. You must do something…"
Luckily, I have the solution ready to take care of this and I look forward to hand you this solution.