Transform what we don't want into what we do want
Getting stuck is ok but remaining stuck is even physically unhealthy. It doesn't feel good to get stuck and obviously we want to move away from that situation as quickly as possible.
In the previous episode I explained that there are many ways to get stuck, but that there is always a solution, even though you don't believe that right now.
Today I will show you in a simple way how to take the first steps and untangle yourself. This is a step-by-step plan that will be very rewarding, and I will give you hands-on exercises.
1. Become more aware of what you don't want
When we get stuck in life, we focus more on the things we no longer want. The problem is that when we keep doing this, we get entangled in a web of unpleasant stuff and eventually we are no longer capable of seeing a way out.
If there was someone in front of me and I would ask, "What is it you no longer want?" then he/she could point out precisely what it is. This is not so hard, because emotions and frustrations lead the way.
Now take a blank piece of paper and divide this page into two vertical columns. Now we have a left side and a right side.
On top of the left column, you put a big minus sign (-). On top of the right column, you put a big plus sign (+).
Still easy, isn't it? (or download the document that I prepared HERE)
In the left column you will now sum up what you don't want anymore.
When Karlien was at home with a burnout and she was able to distance herself from the spider web in which she got herself entangled, it became possible to her to see what she no longer wanted. In the left column she wrote things like:
- A dominant manager
- Change job again and again
- Unrealistic deadlines
- Feel guilty whenever I choose for myself
- Let myself get trampled upon
- Not daring to say 'no'
- Being in a traffic jam every morning
- Feeling exhausted
- …
Now it is up to you to fill in your minus list.
Please take the time to do this and try to keep some questions in mind: "What do I no longer want? What is it I am fed up with? Is there something I can't stand any longer? What characteristics I no longer want?"
When you keep these questions in mind, more and more things will find their way into the list.
This is not a matter of greed or being demanding. It's becoming aware of the things that do not correspond with you. Maybe we felt like a king in that job, but today this is no longer the case. Why? Because life is always changing. And that's fine!
One does not hold on to the same laptop, the same smartphone, or the same clothes forever. No, we evolve. But we consider this to be logical regarding stuff and illogical when it concerns our areas of life.
2. Reverse it
Now that we know precisely what we no longer want, we can reverse this list. So, what will we do now? We will formulate the opposite.
Our minus list is a list for inspiration that enables us to choose the opposite.
The beauty of this is that we can apply it to EVERYTHING.
When one day I decided to search for my dream house, I first made a list of everything I did not want. On my list there were things like:
- tilted walls
- angled windows (not rectangular or square)
- dark rooms
- insecurity
- chaos in structure and finish
- showy colours
- city
- bustle
- noise
- old and worn
- harsh lines
- industrial look
- country style
- small
- enclosed
- no parking space
- no room for coaching
- 1 bathroom
- no fireplace
- no panoramic view
- not a lot of storage space
My list consisted of 80 items.
In my plus list I wrote down the opposite.
- tilted walls
- angled windows (not rectangular)
- dark rooms
- insecurity
- chaos in structure and finish
- showy colours
- city
- bustle
- noise
- old and worn
- harsh lines
- industrial look
- country style
- small
- enclosed
- no parking space
- no room for coaching
- 1 bathroom
- no fireplace
- no panoramic view
- not a lot of storage space
- ...
- straight walls
- rectangular or square windows
- a lot of light
- safety
- order
- light, soft colours, a lot of white
- countryside
- tranquillity
- silence
- new or renovated
- soft lines
- natural look
- Scandinavian
- big
- open
- parking and/or carport
- room for coaching
- 2 or more bathrooms
- fireplace or wood burner
- nice open panoramic view
- a lot of storage space
- …
Some things are obvious, but others are not. This exercise helps us to become aware of many things.
I also know that the voice will resurface to say, "Don't be so demanding! That's impossible! It cannot be done!"
Just realize that this voice resurfaces because we arrive somewhere new, although it's only mentally today.
You can do this exercise for each area of life: for body and health, for job and business, for finances, for freedom and friends, for your own attitude (your way of thinking and your emotions), for self-confidence… for EVERYTHING!
Some things demand a bit of thinking, but it's oh so important!
In the Netherlands there is an organisation called "Omdenken", translated 'Rethink' where they make it a sport to turn everything negative thing into its positive opposite.
3. Create the movie
In the third phase we will turn your plus list into a mental movie. Just like Karlien, we will need the courage to dream, away from the pain and towards pleasure. It really is a matter of letting go.
In the next episode I will show you how to become even more aware of what you want, but let's start here.
Let your eyes go through your plus list and watch the mental images that emerge. We think in images, in movies and in questions, so this really is the perfect exercise for your conscious mind.
The more we go through the list, the more images will emerge.
Next, we take a blank piece of paper and describe what we see on the screen of our conscious mind. Just let it come and don't try to stop it. Now the time has come to visualize.
In the next episode I will give share tricks to make yourself even more aware of the things you want. For this it's also important to listen to the heart instead of the mind.
